Tuesday, September 16

I don't want to know?~

I felt so terrible on this very day. I felt so not happy and I really CRIED. Why this feeling come back to me once again after all those year. Why?
I thought I had left everything behind and forget the past? Why that day the feeling came back and haunt me once again?

This very day makes me torn into 2. This day. The only day I hated myself for so much. The only day I felt the stupidness inside me again.
This very day makes me understand something. This day, you told me about the girl. This very day, I felt someone likes someone. This very day makes me get into TROUBLE once again!

I should have became a selfish person on that day. I should wish someone was not there that day. I should have done it. But, I did not. WHY? Why makes myself suffer from all those pain once again. Why I did not tell the truth? Why? Why now I regret?
I really hope time can rewind and I should do all those things. I should had DONE IT! Its too late to regret.

After Saturday.

We are back to more than normal. I mean. Normal punya normal punya normal. Makes me feel so pain.

Suddenly I cried. I cried for what? I have no idea. Why I cried? Girl = Gila. Cry for no reason. What I know on that day is my heart ache until I really can't stand it. One minute I was smiling and talking to Elisa. Another minute I hugged her and cried. Why? Why?
Maybe because of 2 person. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe I think of my brother.
Maybe I just want to cry
Maybe I just become emotional girl that day
Maybe I felt so lonely
Maybe and Maybe and Maybe.
Maybe I think of My bad DAD
Maybe I think of money.


MAYBE all those things add together I cried.

I got worst after the lunch.
I torture myself by not eating. Or maybe, I have no appetite to eat anything. I just felt everything is not right for me now.

Started a new work. Everything is okay there but when I got my free time, my tears just roll down without my knowledge. What really happen to me?

Maybe this day, today, because of someone and something I gets better. I hope I won't be thinking anymore. It is so hurting so hurtful to me.

I really don't understand myself or I just don't want to understand myself?

I hated YOU or I hate myself?

I don't know.... N.... I don't want to know.

Pain Pain and Pain...

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