Monday, September 8

A bad day

Yesterday, should be a happy day but I turn up not happy in my heart.
A lot of things happen but I don't want to distract the whole bunch of people.
The night before yesterday; Saturday night, mommy was worried about me. She asked me not to swim because I NEVER know how to swim. Then there's a small argument between us. However, I got to say yes because she is my MOM.

Woke up to get ready before Chee Meng arrived. Everything seems okay. Worship practice is okay too cause Elisa was there with us. As usual Kal with all those funny things. In my heart, I think that it will be a better day. Worship is okay, word is okay. until that. the very "that" makes me feel so not happy and feel like not going to Gab's house. I don't understand why everybody wants me to listen to them. They are the one who are always right and I am the one who are wrong. I know that the choices that I had chose will be bringing me to another world. I knew it. But, I can't always think of the youth. I must always think of myself. Yes, working in church office should be better but do you know what really happen in there? I am just 18 and you want me to work there forever? I am not the one who gave up study. When I make up my mind to go for it, I got an answer from Uncle S.T that I better not think about it. I am really tired of all this things. Why not I just get out from here and go to work first. As temporary job or whatever. I think it is better than what I am doing now.
Anyway, after "that" I went to clean up. I kept thinking to tell them I don't want to go but I think better not to. Elisa birthday. I can't do that to my best sis. When everything is okay, we ready to go. This is another thing that makes me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to sit the back seat but the little two bro and two sis doesn't want me to sit behind and they are willing to squeeze themselves. In that very minute, I was thinking to go to Chee Meng's car. Really. I really feel like not going to sit in that car. I felt so uncomfortable. But, if I do that I know they will feel not happy with how I act. So again, dragged myself to the front seat.
I was listening to Ipod and told them about what Mommy said to me the day earlier and someone try to advised or whatsoever makes me feel so terrible and feel like crying. I volume up the Ipod until I can't hear anyone voices. I know it kinda rude but I really feel like not hearing anyone. And it turn up I felt better. Yes. Listening to loud music makes me feel better. Just that my ear is a bit e-wang-wang. Reached there and hoping everything will be okay once again. Went to Elisa house and get a changed. (Now I know why yesterday I got a thought to wear something) When down and saw Chee Meng and Kal they all reached. They went in the pool already. When I am get ready to be happy, once again there will be something that makes me turn the other way round. The guard told Kal that T-shirt is okay just long pants cannot. After he changed, he go inside the pool and the this another guard call him and say cannot. So me and Ying Yi was thinking not to go in. Kal was not happy and said that the guard earlier said only long pants. So Kal was angry and Chee Meng came up. What is this? Why must they ruined everything. When in the toilet and Ying Yi and Elisa said just wear that something. I felt so not so good. They say is okay. Then I agreed and headed to the pool. Actually I am still angry with that guard that makes Kal and Chee Meng out of the pool. Swimming is terrible for me. I am to afraid of water. The worst thing happen yesterday is I fell down from the stairs again and hit my back and I think I heard a "crack". That Kalven at first don't know about it said something really makes me wanted to scold him. However, after he knew it, he ask me to see the doctor if not next time he will never care about me if something happen to me. I just say yes yes. But, I tell you. I will not go to see any doctor.

Everything seems not okay for me yesterday. And, I might be leaving this whole group behind. I will be working and I won't have time. I don't want to do so but I know it will never make a difference whether I am here or not. I also think that I should just go away. Who ever read this please keep it to yourself. I am still thinking. If one day, I am ready, I will announce to everyone. I know it will be soon.

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