Monday, October 20


Going to be 18 but i dislike this number.
Because you left me when I am 18 months.
and everything has changed in my life.
yesterday, i could not sleep for the whole night.
Thinking why my dad is you!
Tears rolling down from my eyes.
You left me and mommy.
What i wanted the most is my brother.
And thanks to you again who are heartless sell him off when he just born.
Every time when I think of my brother,
I felt the pain.
The pain you abandoned him.
And you did again to me and mom.
Do you know I need a brother?
I really love to have a brother so much.
i want to know how it is feel to have a own brother - the same flesh.
but everything i wanted will never happen in my life anymore because my father is you.
YOU sell him away.
YOU left me
YOU left MOM

These 3 things is enough to bring me to this present, current situation.
I got to go through a lot of things. And now, I became a no direction girl.
A lot of things that I wanted to do, can't do
A lot of things that i don't want it to turn this way, it turns this way.

I should not blame anything to you. Everything is happening now is because my own self.

Tears rolling down uncontrollably..
Because i felt lonely once again..
Sometimes I do hope I am not in this world..
So that everything won't be in this way..

maybe I want attention from people too.
but sometimes i hate people notice me.
i don't know what i really want.
can someone just help me?

i want people to love me too
but when they love me,
I dislike the feelings.
what am i thinking?
I don't know!

If people around me take care of me, I felt annoyed
When they leave me, i felt lonely all over again!

I want to stop the tears
but it can stop

Why? Why I am like that again?
I am tired!

to my own flesh brother...
When can i meet you again?
i misses you so much.
i really hope you are by my side this birthday celebrating with me
but it will never happen.
i need you, brother, so much.
I hope that I can hug you in this very day.
but again, i know, never will it happen.
birthday have given me sorrow every year.
I don't know when will all this things change.
i hope my sorrow birthday change to a happy one
i thought it is called HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
when will it be a happy one?
i think, the answer will be the same


bibi said...

lets pray that u'll find ur bro back.. dun worry, God's with u.. ^^
cheer up.. there's a lot of things u can't change but God can.. =)
jia you!

bibi said...

oh.. also.. wif u have any prob, if u feel sad like this.. can always find us.. we'll definitely be there for u

bibi said...

oh.. also.. wif u have any prob, if u feel sad like this.. can always find us.. we'll definitely be there for u