Friday, July 4

cried.. i want to stop!

Fanfic up to chapter 5~~

My eyes super pain today.. I cried yesterday~ I kind of argue with my mom and raise my voice.. Ok.. Not argue la.. Just angry.. Um.. I went to "tai ma" yesterday to buy food for mom with Ni jie~ I saw my brother in law. But then I did not call him. I just pass by. My mom ask me whether saw him or not. I say yes. She asked " got call him or not?" I said no. I was thinking why must I call him. I need to respect him? So sorry! I WILL NEVER RESPECT THIS KIND OF PERSON!! He din even respect my mom! His wife is my mom daughter! I will never forget how he treat my mom. I still remember my mom knew that 'she' and him working at 'tai ma'. I remember one day. when I come back from school, my mom say asked me to get ready and want to go to 'tai ma' to see her daughter! We went there and they are not there! They start their business at night! So my mom and I both went back. After that. We go again at 6 or 7 something! We saw 'her' husband. she's not there. My mom really miss them so deeply. My mom approach him and guess what! She call my mom to get lost! What in the world? he said "Just forget you got this daughter! She doesn't want to see you. Just get away!" Excuse me. Mable! You are my mom's daughter! How could your husband say such things to my mom! Do you know in this few years she's been praying to see you back. To see you! Because mommy say she want the land to give me you don't want this mom! You can hate me! But not mommy! You're so terrible. why must you treat mommy like that! after my mom heard this she really sad. she started to cry in front of him! he ask my mom to go and don't cry in front of him. "if you want to cry, please go to to somewhere else to cry. NOT HERE!"
I drag my mom! I feel like scolding him. but I just don't want care! i drag my mom and ask her to leave. ITS RAINING on that day! My mom and me was so wet. We goes to one of the pondok nearby. She still crying. I told my mom "Can we go back. Don't come here anymore. Ok?" At last she went back with me. Then She is ok. but for sure there's a thorn in her heart. Then time passes by. I taught everything will be back to normal. Unfortunately no!
That guy came to the place where my mom work. He call my mom "auntie" What in the world! my mom is kind of "soft heart" people. And because of her daughter, she will just forgive the incident happen. But for me, I will never forget! He came to find my mom because he want to help my mom.. (this is what he said la... For me.. its not help!) He ask my mom to start a stall at the place where my mom work. Strawberry. He said can earn more. i tell you what! I don't like my mom to start a stall. Imagine, Your salary is not stable. sometimes good sometimes bad.. For me work in strawberry is better than start own biz. But my mom listen to him. I did told my mom that its not so good. She didn't listen! So, she resign from the boss, start her biz, he teach her how to fried carrot cake. What happen next? No biz. People here doesn't like the way my mom fried the carrot cake. My mom is PENANG STYLE. or maybe not nice. So biz drop.. Then? my mom still continue.. until really can die! So she went to find him at the place he work. Told him biz is bad. you know what he answer? He said if the biz is bad, so close it and work back for your boss la. "What you want me to do. You're the one who start the biz." Even my sis say those things to me. She said my mom wants to open so they help. (yes.. she did call me and talk to me. she call me.. i don have her number. Only that guy call her to call me if i want to talk to her, i forgotten whether she got talk to my mom! . ) So, my mom said to him, if she close that stall then how she survive. N the boss hired another fellow. So what she need to do. "Non of my business." wah!!!!!!!! I really hated them.. My mom cry again! So, same thing, he ask my mom to go away. He need to do his biz, so he ask us to go.. I dragged my mom for the second time! n rain again! Arghhh.. Go to the pondok again. looking at my mom again. People who passes by ask what happen. Then my mom cry more and more. N told them.. They felt the pity~ness.... They asked my mom to forget them. My mom say, there will be no more third time.. She said NEVER.. After that incident he didn't turn up. But after.. don noe how long. He find us again. Just talk to my mom.. That's all. My mom still talk to him. As I said, her heart really is a "soft heart". then I changed hp number, my mom also. Then.......................................
I think I not going to say anymore.. Cause the more i talk bout this my tears started to roll down..
I just want to say, My heart pain. Really! thanks to them. If not because of them, all 'this things' won't happen. Because of them we get in deep trouble.
So yesterday....
My mom say why I like that. Must respect people. Actually I still got their number. But I didn't tell my mom. Yesterday I told. She said why I like that. Mable is her daughter. After hearing this. I really angry and I try to calm down but I raise my voice. "Mommy! Two times! Its two times, Raining! You remember!! How I dragged you and you don't want to go home! YOU REMEMBER." N i started to cry.. Auntie, siow fong and Ni jie is there. I know I am not right but I just can't control! I went to wash the plates and I throw the spoon on the sink. My mom raise her voice too. "Sherina! Enough" Then she said softly. "Let it go la.. You're a Christian! Forgive and forget. i forget d so u must! ok?" They look at me. N i keep crying. She didn't scold me. She just said nicely.. I just say ok
I know my mom never know that how that 2 incident gives me those pain! My mom never know that I keep it in my heart for so long. Now, I still keep it in the heart. My tears still rolling down... Just can't stop it. Its pain! i'll try to forgive and forget but I don't know I can make it. I just try my best. I know my mom was shocked with how I react yesterday. I never show it. even on the day of incident I din even cry!
17 + years. No happiness at all.Why like that... No happiness, No father!(i also dont want this kind of father). No brother(supposedly i got 1 but has been sold to someone by my own father), no sister (got but now no.. we different dad) no friends...]

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