I am thinking too much again lately. Tears rolling down without noticed. Yesterday night, I think too much. I think of friends that once I called best friend and still treat them as best friend, has been drew far apart now. We might be meeting each other right now but the feeling is gone. I don’t know how to describe this but, what I can say is I prefer not to be with them. I remembered once a friend said to me “You can tell us everything. We are friends and you even said that we are your best friend. Why not just tell us what you have gone through and what you are going through now? We might able to help you and if not we can be the one who listens.” I never agree with this statement, until today, this statement is still wrong – for me. Can I really tell everything? Can I just tell and they will listen? They might for the first few times. However, they won’t really listen to you after that. They are numb with your talking, they are numb with your problem, they are numb with listening to you, they are annoyed with you and wanted to just ask you to stop telling them things. I feel it now.
People, do you think you really know about me? You might describe me as a loud, talkative, crazy person. I might talk loudly, playing games with everyone, laughing crazily with everyone but deep inside me is different. If I want to be myself, I will totally dissimilar with what you people see me as.
I don’t need people to share my problems with. I just need people to really treat me as a friend. I noticed that now when I try to talk people, they might just nod their heads or replied with a single “oh”, “ya”, “OK”. This makes me feel like not talking my stuff to anyone anymore and when I do not people keep said that I keep everything to myself and do not tell them and they can’t help if I don’t tell. People, try to think how you treat me before saying I don’t want to tell. I’ve been keeping a lot of things to myself lately. I don’t feel like sharing because this is the reason.
I did not share my problem with someone. Don’t say that I rather go to someone that I should not go to, to share my problems. I did not. We were just talking normal things and actually it makes me feels better than those BEST FRIENDS around me. Saying bout best friends, is it what I did is not good enough? Is it I am not worth it to be a best friend of you people? I just don’t know. I can bluntly say now that I eliminate my entire best friend list. I can’t trust anyone for now. I am sorry if I hurt anyone here but it is a fact that I am really tried my best to be just a friend, just a friend to everyone but I failed badly.
To someone who sms-ed me yesterday,
Thank you for telling me you will be sad without me and I always make you happy. You did not regret have a friend like me.
I feel better with what you said to me. What you have said, it goes same to me. Although how sad I am but still I never regretting to be friend with everyone. Not a single person makes me regret. Everyone is my friend.
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