We need to sense it, feel it, do it, think of it, and so on to get.
Today I encounter with 2 people. First is an old beggar. One of my colleague open the glass door and the old beggar want to came in. I quickly tell that beggar not to come in politely. What will you do if you are in my shoes?
I don't know what I should do on that time. In my heart, I want to ask him to just leave this place. In the same time, I want to give him some money. In the same time, I think that he is just a organization like others that cheats people money. I've seen before an old beggar beg for money with a crutch. In 2 hours time I saw him in another destination with a crutch but not for supporting. He holding it and running. I just feel so - speechless. From that onwards, I don't really want to donate money for those people. I don't know what is the true story. Anyway, just now, I feel so sorry for him but yet I did not help him. I still feel guilty.
The second one.
There is this guy who send something over for our company. He came once last week and he is a little bit retarded. Actually, I think I got a phobia. I am afraid of those in wounds, retarded, very ill patient. When I saw him, I am afraid. I don't know why. But for sure, I am guilty with all this kind of feeling. I realize I do have a few phobia. Last time, I was afraid with people praying for me. It just feel not right. I overcome it. Now, seems like I am afraid of more things.
I am a bad person actually. I am bad. I am.
.thanks for wanting me.