Tuesday, December 9

Can't face YOU

"Scream or don't" keep repeating in my heart... I am worried what will happened next!

"Just scream then run up" Both of them said....


My heart feel the pain! So pain. Although without knowing whether what they are doing down there I can felt the pain in my heart. I am so worried of someone. Yes! The little girl who always understands me and also another **
I can't control myself thinking of them and also my brother down there. I don't know how he can handle them. And also the two best friend with me at the dark! I am super worried of them and also I am afraid of darkness. One of the bro give me the Ipod to listen. But, its useless. I tried so hard not to cry but I am not so hard hearted.
When I heard little girl screaming my name my tears roll down! I keep on repeating her name in my heart. "*name*.. Sorry. Sorry.." This is what I am saying... Time passes so slow! I feel like just running down.
The other girl who is with me keep on hugging me and comfort me. The tears stop.

When my bro gave us the call...
We knew its time to stop this and we went down. I tried to control myself. But I can't when I saw all the faces.
My best friend went to toilet and I was at the sink. Try to control. But when both brother came and ask me am I ok... Tears rolling down madly! Especially when they touch me and comfort me. I keep on crying. Then the best friend excort me to the santuary! The first one I look for is little girl. When I ask one of the leader, she said little girl don't want to come in yet. I totally know I am so wrong now. Best friend keep on hugging me to comfort me. The brothers keep on asking me whether I am okay or not. When I saw R face I am so pain again! She is worried and she cried... This makes me super uncomfortable!

Then when everyone is there, bro try to wrapped up but problem came.. little girl wants to be alone again. Where arguments came in. Where best friend run away, where I try to explain and things get worst. Where people hurt me madly there! I raise my voice and so on until I feel like this place is not belong to me anymore.

I hate myself for this whole things. I am so sorry!
To everyone.. No matter is who.. I just want to say sorry about this whole things...
I can't forgive myself for this and I can't face myself and also little girl. I hurt her too much. Although we say sorry and everything, I can tell you here that I can't forgive myself for doing this to YOU. I love you too much! I feel guilty when I see your eyes red because of all of us. When you hug me and say just go up and say sorry, everything will be alright, ask me not to cry I feel that I can't face you anymore. I don't even dare to play with you on the next day! I am so guilty for what we came out. This is the first time i REALLY CRIED SO TERRIBLE and can't forgive myself.

To Rwho understand and pass me the tissue box. You are younger than me one day... I love you so much too. Luckily you are not mad with me. I am so glad you change back. Cause when I see your face I am so scare! Sorry once again...

Sorry with all the things... I am so sorry!

*in the other note*
2 different things. i can't control the feelings of me now... Whether I am bad or what but I just can't.. I tried so hard and I cried because I feel I am bad.. But the whole sleepover makes me feel this way~ Sorry, I can't help it...

Now, I need people to talk too.. But definately not *you* yet... sorry...........
I am just trying to let people understand her. Why must I got hurt in the end!

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