Tiring

Read back all the old blog post. Feel that I used to be so silly. And, I still am at times. However, time flies. I am not the same old me anymore. Ups and downs make me who I am today. If you ask me what that means, it will be a whole long of story.

What I need now is love and care from people. I am so tired with my life. Why I say so? This is because I am really very tired with it. But no worries, I am not doing something stupid yet. I stopped going to church a year ago. Why? I don’t feel I am related to that church and was really busy during that time. So I take it as an excuse to just work and stop attending church. Just imagine every single time when I walked in to that church I have to act like I am damn okay and put my smile on my face and tell the whole world that I am seriously okay. Since the incident happen years back in old church that caused by me, I seriously need a lot of time to put back myself into whole. I hurt all of them and I hurt myself deeply. But I never think I am the one in fault. I always think why people don’t understand me. Why people can just ignore me like I don’t exist at all at that time. I used to think of that every time I walk into the new church. After I stop going to church, I started to learn and think. And I get all the answer. I woke up from my nightmare and thought that I can just walk like normal. I tried to be friends back one by one with them and one day someone told me to stop talking to her cause she was asked to. Why? Why must I get hurt after all those years passed? So it seems like this issue will be there forever.

Next – study. How much I hope that I can study in the past. I really wanted to get at least a diploma and my future will be brighter but again and again I failed. The worst thing ever is I was given a chance to study only for one semester and everything gone. What left to me is all the debts! Why must it be this way? A question that left unanswered.

Work – If you get my news quite well, you should heard that I’ve been changing jobs one after another. At least now I worked for almost 1 year in Hitachi. I really hope I wont’ be changing and I have chances to be promoted or salary will be revised every year. Not to forget, stressed. I feel very stressed working here. Time and day just flies without me knowing because of the workloads and stress that I am having each day. Migraine comes often nowadays. Work is so tiring but I have to go on.

Family. Mom and sis staying together is also another issues. At times we seems like a happy family but at times we argue. Just imagine you are stressed and tired from working and hope once you reach home it will be heaven, but, it’s vice versa. Going back home at times makes me feel even worst especially I have to face my sister. She is okay  but she is very lazy. She always complain how tired she is of cooking and blah blah blah but did she ever come across that your sister is also tired after work. The worst thing is she treats my mom like a slave at times. Before we move in she says how great she will be as a daughter and now? We spend more because of moving here. Moving out now will be another issues for me. Salary is not enough for that. Wait to get marry and have house, please sherina, too far from your eyes. Ended up add more stress to myself.

So? What can I do? And no one can listen to me and understands. I am so tired.